A Journey of Letting Go: Michelle's Story

I wanted to take a moment to put into words what our breathwork session meant to me, because it deserves more than a quick thank you.

Description of My Experience

I have been working to understand meditation and sound bath experiences. These are new to me and take some mental training to truly build the receptors and release our monkey brain tendencies. My logic when initially hearing about the breathwork session was that this would be another extension of this training. Boy was I wrong!

 

When we began, Bethany provided a detailed overview of the experience, what I would need to do, how long each segment would take, and what would happen. Despite the very clear explanations my brain was still hooked on this experience just being an extension of meditation or some form of Lamaze stress breathing to balance the energy. It's funny how in times of the unknown we lock onto our perceptions and expectations.

 

As we got started, the breathing was very easy to follow: in for 2 out for 2. It was a very manageable effort and aligned with my initial expectations. Because this was an unknown experience I did take longer to relax and get out of my head. I was holding on tight. I kept squinting my right eye open to let the light in, trying to stay anchored to the room.

Bethany has mentored me in the past on how meditation works and how to quiet the brain by focusing on the colors dancing around your eyelids. On my right side I had a hard time not peeking or squinting, which created sharp white lines from the overhead lights. On my left, a green glow radiated from the lower corner like the northern lights, while everything else filled with a red mist. Right between my eyes, two deep abysmal blue dots danced, merged, and separated again. This continued as I focused on breathing in and out.

 

The music had a pace that aligned the rhythm of my breathing. The pace started slowly and began to increase in depth and duration. I noticed the changes in my muscles. It started as a tingling in my fingertips and expanded to my entire hand almost like the sensation of the lobster claw. This was the moment I realized my assumptions about this experience were completely wrong, and I had no idea what was in store.

 

I was no longer trying to anchor myself to the room. The tingling sensation started to move up my legs and around the muscles in my face. As a first-time experience I cannot lie I was a little afraid. Thank God for Bethany guiding me through this; at the beginning and during the session I pushed back my inclination to quit. I felt complete confidence in her ability to keep me safe and guide me through this experience. I began to let go even more.

 

Then it happened! I finally broke through; I found myself back at my grandfather's funeral. The exact memory was from over 25 years ago. This was the first funeral I had ever attended. I was physically in the room. The smell of incense and candles in the old church, the yellow wood paneling that filled the room, the cold pew chairs. I watched myself step up to the podium to say a word about my grandfather, and the exact moment I had collapsed and lost words was the moment I was experiencing. The grief hit hard, and then the faces of everyone who has left my life began flashing by. I felt the gratitude and grief consume me. Tears started to move down my face; I tried to fight back the emotion.

 

I felt like my skin was peeling away or I needed to remove a shell that covered my brain. I needed to rub my head eyes and temples. Then my arms began to move on their own, rocking like a wave, in and out. The music was settling and the co2 was stabilizing and I was gaining movement to my hands.

 

I left that room and was back to the colors of my eyelids. However, the colors had shifted. On the right side, the sharp lines were gone, and it was a faint yellow light in the far distance. The left side with the green haze was overpowering and crossing into the right side. The blue dots had become one and then disappeared. My last vision was almost like a reverse sunrise where the green had taken over the sky and the reds settled below.

I was awake, I was back in my space, I was blown away!

 

Reflection on the Unknown

I came into this experience with an open heart but a very wrong expectation. This was absolutely mind blowing. I gave up control; I went somewhere in my psyche that I hadn't felt in over 25 years. I am so grateful to have Bethany be my friend and my guide that I truly felt safe enough to get to this breakthrough. I will be exploring self-growth, reflection and introspection for quite some time. This experience offers so much to explore; it was specific to me and only me, the meaning is for me to translate and apply going forward. An obvious take away is that I should be talking and connecting with my guides more than I have to this point.

 

Positive Energy

I walked away feeling lighter, clearer, and more whole than I have in a long time. Something that had been running quietly in the background finally got to move through me. That energy has stayed with me, and I'm still discovering what it's opening. There is a lot of talk about quantum energy and how we know absolutely nothing. This experience absolutely proves this point, energy is a force that is completely unknown, our brain is completely expansive. This experience gives me the sense of being under the deep vast universe while holding it in my soul at the same time.

 

Bethany as my Protector, Guide, and Mentor

Bethany created a space where I felt completely safe to fall apart and come back together. She is so attuned to me that at times it felt like she heard my thoughts when I never said a word. She knew when to guide, when to stay quiet, and when to simply let me be moved. That kind of presence is rare, and it's a true gift. I am beyond grateful to Bethany for taking me through this experience and as soon as I have fully ingested the session, I will be looking forward to doing this again. I want to see what the next journey will be and what lessons I can build on.

Thank you for holding space for me with such care and intuition. I'm so grateful to have you as a friend, and as a guide.

 

With love and gratitude,
Michelle